Crystal Pepsi

Listen carefully, and my words will shape images as clear as any TV show. It was a tumultuous time for our nation: the clear beverage craze gave us all a reason to live; the information superhighway showed the average person what some nerd thinks about Star Trek; and the domestication of the dog continued unabated. — Homer, “And Maggie Makes Three”

The year was 1992. Seriously! For a century, Americans had accepted opacity as the necessary evil for the enjoyment of pure cola refreshment. But change was in the winds. Play it again, Sam

Crystal Pepsi! Brewed by hippies, but distributed by a heartless, multinational corporation. Though I can’t recall ever sampling the beverage myself, the jury is split on whether it in fact had the same taste as Pepsi reggo, as the comments here attest. Although, see some damning testimony from one of the beverage’s chief architects:

People were saying we should stop and address some issues along the way, and they were right. It would have been nice if I’d made sure the product tasted good.

Unfortunately, Crystal P proved too beautiful to live. It was pulled from shelves shortly after its debut.

If you ask me, I would venture to say that the market is nice and primed for a clear cola revival. What with the success of the greenorganiclocallysourcedallnaturalingredients (marketing) movement, discerning consumers would likely jump at the chance to pay a slightly-inflated price for a bottle of “Pepsi Naked”, or however the rebranding might go. But until that magical day, enjoy this list of “alternative” liquids bottled by Pepsico over the years, including popular cross-border choices Pepsi Ice Cucumber and Pecsi.

And I would be remiss if I didn’t also direct you to that timeless SNL parody of the “Right Now” ad. I love you, too, Pepsi.

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8 Responses to Crystal Pepsi

  1. clear_beer says:

    The clear beverage “craze” wasn’t just Crystal Pepsi, there was also Miller Clear, Tab Clear, and 7 Up Ice Cola.

    • mcgarnagle says:

      Annoyed grunt! You’re absolutely correct. Blame this child of the ’90s for never paying attention to anything but The Simpsons.

      • Don’t feel bad! I was around back then too, and the only thing I remember was crystal Pepsi.

        I remember reading that it was going to taste exactly like regular Pepsi, because the only difference was that they added no caramel coloring, which is irrelevant to taste. What a crock of shit. It tasted completely different from Pepsi. I didn’t think it was bad, though.

      • colonelcoward says:

        I wouldn’t feel bad about it. I had forgotten about all of those, and I can’t even remember the Tab or 7-Up ones now.

        I do remember Crystal Pepsi though, and I remember reading about how it would taste exactly the same as regular Pepsi, because the only difference was that it didn’t have the flavorless caramel coloring. Whoever wrote that article made baby Jesus cry…

  2. Man, this is a tour-de-force of referency goodness! I feel like I’m trapped inside two vending machines.

  3. PEPITO! The Biggest Cat In The Whole Wide World! says:

    From now on I’m thinkin’, actin’, and lookin’ young, and I’m gonna start with a bottle of Buzz Cola. Oh! Ah! Ow! The bubbles are burning my tongue! Ow! Oh!

  4. lewispackwood says:

    I’m amazed at just how many variations on Pepsi have been released over the years – so few of them have made it to UK shores. Wouldn’t mind giving Pepso Baobab a try though, even if it didn’t actually taste anything like baobab. I think I’d be hard pressed to tell the difference.

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